All I Want For Christmas Is

Christmas Morning. With my back turned, blanket over my head, and silence filling the room, one would think I was sleeping. I was crying. Each tear filled with memories, heartache, and emotional pain. Christmas is a holiday that's supposed to be filled with joy, gifts, and love. I was filled with sadness, regret, and no love at all. I wanted to call them. Wishing them a "Merry Christmas". Asking what they received and what was their plan for the day. But I couldn't. I wanted to see them. But once again, I couldn't. Not being able to call or see them caused the tears to crawl out of my eyes and run down my face.

Will next Christmas be like this? Will every holiday be like this? Will I ever be happy? These are the same people who said they were gonna cheer me on at graduation in June. Well who's going to cheer me on now? Of course my parents will but it's the same. It will never be the same. Well maybe Santa will be able to brighten my day with a gift. The gift I want will make everything better. It's simple. All I want for Christmas is a round trip to Heaven and back. Is that too much to ask for? Looking to the sky is not enough for me anymore. That's the way that life works though. I'm forced to accept this battle, move on, and be "happy". But how am I supposed to be happy when the people that filled my life with joy are gone?

My College Plan

My college plan is to get a Bachelor's degree without doing 4-years at a University. My GPA is too low to be accepted to a 4-year college so I'm going to start off at a 2-year community college. I feel like my plan is good because tuition for community college is much cheaper than the tuition at a 4-year school. I would be saving a little more money for 2 years for the same education. After I complete my 2 years of Criminal Justice, I'm going to transfer to another Upstate school and get my Bachelor's degree.

My chances of getting into a 4-year college would be better when I transfer from a community college because they will see that I already have an Associates degree. Hopefully I will be able to get a couple of scholarships from my school so the tuition won't be too bad to pay off. The reason why I'm choosing to get my Bachelor's is because someone told me I wouldn't get far with an Associates. I thought about it and was in agreement because the higher education you have, the higher the pay. But yeah, that's my plan for college.

Broken Hearted Girl

First and foremost.....it's not Wednesday. I wouldn't usually write my blog so early(on a Monday) because I don't like blogging. Unfortunately, I feel like I need to get something off my chest. I must confess that I am in pain. Not physical pain, but emotional pain. I should be happy due to the fact that I have been accepted to 7 SUNY colleges so far. But we all know happiness doesn't last forever. 2014 has been the worst year of my life thus far. The month of November was even worst for me. In the last 3 weeks of November, I have lost 3 loved ones. Death comes in 3's right.......

Last week on Tuesday Iv'e attended my cousin's funeral, then 3 days later(the day after Thanksgiving) I lost someone else, and yesterday morning I lost another person. I am not the type of person to open up to everyone especially if I'm not close with you, but I can't continue to keep my emotions bottled up inside of me. I can no longer cry, be happy, or sleep. Last night I was tossing and turning not able to sleep for some reason. I feel empty, lost, sometimes confused and I honestly don't care about anything or anyone anymore. My heart is heavy and I feel extremely weak. I don't feel like me. I feel like I'm out of place most days and I'm more vulnerable than Iv'e better in my life! The last thing that I need is negativity in my life which is why I need to keep to myself.

I know who can take these feelings away but I can't get in contact with him. That's what makes the pain worst. The person that I want and need at the moment can't even help me so I feel like I'm in this alone. I was born alone, and I'm quite sure I will die alone. Even though I'm in my feelings right now, I know that I will bounce back to the old me sooner or later. I might even come back stronger than ever. Until then, I will remain the "Broken Hearted Girl."

Other Classes

My favorite class this year is Statistics with Mr. Rich. Sorry Ms. Hegeman. Last marking period I passed with a 93% because its an easy class. When taking tests we are allowed to use our notes and homework is hardly given. All you have to do is stay in your seat, take notes and do your classwork and hand it in (if any is given). Mr. Rich doesn't raise his voice and if students are talking then he lets them. When it's time to take a test or do classwork, they'll see why they get bad grades. My worst subject is math and the fact that I'm doing so good makes me happy. We talk about nominals, ordinals, qualitatives, quantitatives, stem and leaf, frequency polygons, histograms, pie charts, ogives, experiments, simulations, observational studies, surveys, etc. Everything is easy to learn and it doesn't rack your brain like most math classes.

I also some what enjoy my Participation in Government class with Ms. Tomlin. I need to work on my attendance for her class though. She's my first period class and did I mention she's on the 5th floor! Most times I make it early or just in time but lately Iv'e been running a little late. Two latenesses equal an absence in her class and we have to have our bottoms in a seat for 92% of the semester (I hope it's the semester and not the whole year). Other then my tardies though, I do extremely well on my oral presentations. We have completed two oral presentations thus far and according to her my presentations are very "clear and thorough". On my last presentation, she stopped me in the staircase to tell me that I did "fantastic". I don't know about anyone else but positive feedback sure does make me happy. Iv'e missed 3 days in a row of her class so I honestly can not tell you what they are talking about in the class.

I'm finished writing what I had to say. I must say throughout this entire blog, Iv'e been wanting to add emojis but I can't. Somebody needs to work on that asap.

Fahrenheit 451

Okay so this week I was told to blog about class. Today my group and I were suppose to present our close reading annotations with the class. Of course time ran out and we are also the last group to go, so we will have to wait until tomorrow to present. Everyone had to do their close reading on "Fahrenheit 451", sadly. It's not that I don't like the book, but sometimes the figurative language makes it hard to comprehend what the author is saying.
I like the fact that the book appeals to my emotional side. I actually have sympathy for the main character "Guy".  I feel he's going through so much with his wife right now and he probably feels like he has lost the only person that understands him, who is Clarisse. I know she was hit by a car and died but I feel like the author could have gone more in depth of why or how it happened. I think Guy may feel like he is all alone in the world at this point. His wife is suicidal, his dear friend has passed, and the mechanical hound dislikes him for some reason.
I am currently on page 79, but I'd rather not go in detail about what I'm reading because I'm not sure if everyone has reached that point. As I was just writing, the question "Does everyone in that society know how to read?" I ask that because, if books aren't good in their society, that means they weren't doing much reading growing up. They were just taught a trade so they will be able to work and have fun with their lives. I fell asleep doing this so I'm going to end this blog right now.

My Passion

What is my passion? Well I don't have a specific passion, but there are a lot of things that I like. I use to like poems and I also use to write them. I would have my friends read my poems and they would love it and tell me to keep writing. Another passion that I have is music. I've always loved music and I think I always will. When listening to music I feel relaxed and in my own world. If I'm going through something, I know I can rely on music to bring me peace and happiness. I'm also into zodiac signs. Zodiac signs tell me a lot about a person. I know I shouldn't judge people off of their zodiac signs but they always seem to work and prove my point. Another passion that I have is to help people. I love to see the smile on people's faces when they get my help. My last passion is Kendrick Lamar the rapper. I love Kendrick Lamar with everything in me. His album "good kiid M.A.A.D City" was the first album that actually brought tears to my eyes because all of the songs were events that happened in his life. Out of all my "passions" I must say Kendrick Lamar is my biggest passion.

ABOUT ME:  ONE THING ABOUT ME IS, I CAN NOT WAIT TO GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND GET MY LIFE STARTED! I'M READY TO GET A JOB, GET MY OWN HOME, AND MAKE MY OWN MONEY. MOST PEOPLE SAY TO BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR BUT I KNOW THIS IS WHAT I WANT. THE FACT THAT I'LL BE AN ADULT, AND ABLE TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS WITHOUT OWING ANYONE AN ANSWER MAKES ME EXCITED.THE CLOSEST THING TO ME BEING ON MY OWN IS WHEN I GO AWAY TO COLLEGE.NOT ONLY WILL I HAVE A GREAT EXPERIENCE BUT ITS ALSO A CHANCE FOR ME TO BE IN A NEW ENVIRONMENT. I KNOW I MIGHT BE A LITTLE HOMESICK AND NERVOUS AT FIRST, BUT I KNOW I'VE WAITED MOST OF MY LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT AND I,M NOT LETTING ANYTHING OR ANYONE HOLD ME BACK.