First and foremost.....it's not Wednesday. I wouldn't usually write my blog so early(on a Monday) because I don't like blogging. Unfortunately, I feel like I need to get something off my chest. I must confess that I am in pain. Not physical pain, but emotional pain. I should be happy due to the fact that I have been accepted to 7 SUNY colleges so far. But we all know happiness doesn't last forever. 2014 has been the worst year of my life thus far. The month of November was even worst for me. In the last 3 weeks of November, I have lost 3 loved ones. Death comes in 3's right.......
Last week on Tuesday Iv'e attended my cousin's funeral, then 3 days later(the day after Thanksgiving) I lost someone else, and yesterday morning I lost another person. I am not the type of person to open up to everyone especially if I'm not close with you, but I can't continue to keep my emotions bottled up inside of me. I can no longer cry, be happy, or sleep. Last night I was tossing and turning not able to sleep for some reason. I feel empty, lost, sometimes confused and I honestly don't care about anything or anyone anymore. My heart is heavy and I feel extremely weak. I don't feel like me. I feel like I'm out of place most days and I'm more vulnerable than Iv'e better in my life! The last thing that I need is negativity in my life which is why I need to keep to myself.
I know who can take these feelings away but I can't get in contact with him. That's what makes the pain worst. The person that I want and need at the moment can't even help me so I feel like I'm in this alone. I was born alone, and I'm quite sure I will die alone. Even though I'm in my feelings right now, I know that I will bounce back to the old me sooner or later. I might even come back stronger than ever. Until then, I will remain the "Broken Hearted Girl."
I'm very sorry for your losses Danielle, and I hope that you can recover from it. I'm proud of you that you got all of your college acceptance letters, and if you feel like you have no one to do it for - do it for the ones who you loved and lost this past year. Keep your head up!
ReplyDeletei'm very sorry for your lost. I hope everything goes well in the future and some day you can look back at this and say "I was strong". Continue to keep your head up and strive for success to make those looking down on you happy and proud.
ReplyDeleteThey say writing is one of the best ways to relieve stress. Hopefully, when you wrote this your shoulders felt lighter. This post is very personal and expresses many emotions when confronted with death, pain, dependence and vulnerability. And these four are enough to take anyone down, but your resilient attitude says otherwise. My condolences.
ReplyDeleteThis is very emotional, first of congrats on getting accepted to 7 SUNY colleges, that is always something to be proud of, the light that overshadows the rain. I am very sorry for your lost, I too have lost someone in my family. I see you don't let your emotions show, It is ok to be sad. I'm happy your dealing with it though.
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